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Whether you’ve read Harper Lee’s book, “To Kill a Mockingbird”, or not, you’ve likely heard the famous quote, “You can choose your friends, but you can’t choose your family”. Well, to a lesser extent, we often can’t choose our coworkers either.
It’s not uncommon to find yourself in a situation where you simply don’t click with a coworker or two. Or it can evolve into something more significant — you may even begin to despise each other. So, how do you successfully work with people you don’t like?
While you could start to look for a new job and quit, that isn’t going to help you grow and evolve to become more successful. This is especially true if you like your job, excel at it and respect your other colleagues. What’s more, we all eventually will have to work with people we may find rude, annoying or flat-out offensive. If it’s not this workplace, it could be the next.
If you find yourself in this situation right now and put some of these tips into action, you’ll be better equipped to professionally address that current coworker who gets under your skin. Because at the end of the day, you may not be able to change your coworker’s attitude and actions, but you can always control how you respond.
When a coworker frustrates you but isn’t violating any workplace policies, learning how to work with people you don’t like can improve your experience on the job.
These eight strategies help you stay grounded, professional and in control — even when personalities clash.
By identifying the specific trait(s) that bother you about your coworker, you can separate the behavior from the person as a whole. Determining “why” is the first step toward improving the situation.
Was it a behavior, like gossiping about you behind your back? Are they difficult to work with on a team? Do their values differ from yours? And sometimes, we just don’t click with someone and can’t really identify one trait or behavior.
If the offending behavior is illegal, like harassment, then it must be documented and reported immediately. Skip to the harassment and bullying section >>
There will always be some people you encounter in life who you simply won’t like and that’s to be expected. It doesn’t make you a bad person, nor does it make the other person bad.
Sometimes, you can simply avoid these coworkers, or at least limit your interactions with them, but that won’t always be possible, especially if your cubicle is next to theirs or you’re assigned to a project together.
If you have strong emotions, such as anger or hate, by accepting that this is a normal part of life, you can often neutralize those feelings.
RELATED: When Employees Harass Coworkers on Social Media the Employer May Be Liable >>
Often, it’s easier to cast blame externally and not give ourselves a good honest look. Once we go down the road of assigning blame, almost automatically, we tend to start looking for additional things our coworker says or does that support our beliefs and biases.
In situations like this, if we can look at our own behaviors, beliefs and energy, we can often find a few things that may be making the situation worse than it needs to be. Taking the first step by recognizing those and nipping them in the bud could be the first step toward diffusing the negative energy between you and your coworker.
While none of us have control over other people’s behavior, we can control our reactions. By implementing the strategies mentioned above, you should be better equipped to stay neutral and professional.
Often, when people do things to annoy us, they do so to generate a response. By not reacting, you won’t give them that satisfaction. Plus, you’ll help keep the workplace positive and productive for you and your other coworkers.
RELATED: Yanking Out the Grapevine - How to Deal with Gossip at Work >>
We can’t say it enough, don’t broadcast the fact that you don’t like “Joe”. Workplace gossip can damage relationships between employees who need to work together as a team.
It can lower morale, increase anxiety, reduce productivity and lead to turnover. Plus, it can even damage your own professional reputation.
RELATED: Intimidation at Work - How to Deal with Workplace Bullying >>
Sometimes the simplest solution is a professional and respectful conversation with your coworker. It can help resolve a conflict between the two of you, and the feedback, when given appropriately, can help both of you grow into better versions of yourselves.
Most workplace tension stems from personality clashes or communication breakdowns. But sometimes, the behavior you’re experiencing isn’t just annoying — it’s abusive, targeted or discriminatory.
In these cases, learning how to work with people you don’t like won’t be enough — because the problem isn’t about compatibility. It’s about conduct. And if that conduct violates workplace policy or employment law, it needs to be addressed differently.
Before taking the next steps, it’s important to understand what qualifies as harassment or bullying in the workplace.
What Is Workplace Harassment?
According to the EEOC, harassment is unwelcome conduct based on protected characteristics like race, gender, religion, age, disability or national origin. Examples include slurs, threats, intimidation, ridicule, sexual comments or interfering with someone’s ability to do their job.
What Is Workplace Bullying?
Bullying refers to repeated, targeted behavior intended to harm or intimidate. This includes humiliation, exclusion, sabotage, verbal abuse or public reprimands.
RELATED: No Room for Workplace Bullying or Harassment >>
Keep a detailed record of any inappropriate behavior, including dates, times, what was said or done, and who witnessed it. This documentation will be helpful if you need to escalate your concern.
All employees are entitled to a workplace free from harassment, bullying and discrimination. If a coworker’s behavior makes you feel unsafe or undermined, report it to your supervisor or HR. Acting early helps prevent the situation from escalating and shows that you're taking professional, appropriate action.
You won’t always like the people you work with — and that’s OK. But knowing how to work with people you don’t like is essential for maintaining your professionalism, protecting your peace of mind, and staying focused on what matters: doing your job well. Whether the tension is mild or more serious, handling it the right way helps you grow and creates a healthier workplace for everyone.
Axcet HR Solutions is a Kansas City-based certified PEO that helps small and mid-sized businesses navigate complex HR challenges — from employee relations to compliance and workplace investigations.
Since 1988, Axcet has helped Kansas City businesses manage HR with confidence, compliance and care. Meet our team of HR experts >>
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