--- title: How to Have Difficult Conversations with Employees description: Conversations about poor performance, personal behavior or disciplinary action are inevitable. Here's how to have difficult conversations with employees. image: https://blog.axcethr.com/hubfs/how-to-have-difficult-conversations-with-employees-_1200-%C3%97-628-px_%20(1).webp --- - [Client Portal](https://www.axcethr.com/client-services/) - [Employee Login](https://www.axcethr.com/client-services/) [![AxcetHR Solutions Blog](https://blog.axcethr.com/hubfs/AxcetHR2021%20Blog/axcethr_logo_white%20(1).png)](https://www.axcethr.com/) - [About Us](https://www.axcethr.com/about-us/) - [Corporate Philantropy](https://www.axcethr.com/about-us/corporate-philanthropy/) - [Meet the Team](https://www.axcethr.com/about-us/meet-the-team/) - [Values and Culture](https://www.axcethr.com/about-us/values-and-culture/) - [Kansas PEO](https://www.axcethr.com/about-us/kansas-peo/) - [Missouri PEO](https://www.axcethr.com/about-us/missouri-peo/) - [Careers](https://axcethrsolutions.prismhr-hire.com/) - [Why Axcet](https://www.axcethr.com/why-axcet/) - [Why Choose Axcet?](https://www.axcethr.com/why-axcet/) - 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- - - [whatsapp://send?text=https://blog.axcethr.com/how-to-have-difficult-conversations-with-employees](whatsapp://send?text=https://blog.axcethr.com/how-to-have-difficult-conversations-with-employees) - [mailto:?subject=How%20to%20Have%20Difficult%20Conversations%20with%20Employees&body=https://blog.axcethr.com/how-to-have-difficult-conversations-with-employees](mailto:?subject=How%20to%20Have%20Difficult%20Conversations%20with%20Employees&body=https://blog.axcethr.com/how-to-have-difficult-conversations-with-employees) ![how-to-have-difficult-conversations-with-employees (1)](https://blog.axcethr.com/hs-fs/hubfs/how-to-have-difficult-conversations-with-employees%20(1).webp?width=1200&height=800&name=how-to-have-difficult-conversations-with-employees%20(1).webp) As a manager or business owner, it's inevitable you will need to have difficult conversations with employees from time to time. These conversations can be about a range of issues such as poor performance, personal behavior or disciplinary action. While it's never easy to have these kinds of conversations, it's important to approach them in a professional and constructive manner. Here are some tips on how to have difficult conversations with employees. RELATED: [Hygiene in the Workplace - How to Tell an Employee He Smells >>](https://blog.axcethr.com/hygiene-in-the-workplace-how-to-tell-an-employee-they-smell) ## At a Glance: Preparing for a Difficult Conversation - Call your Axcet HR Consultant/consult with your business’ HR expert.  - Be prepared with documentation and policies, when possible. - Leave your emotions at the door. - Be consistent. How have you handled this situation/similar situations in the past? - Schedule plenty of time for the conversation. - Come from a place of support and positivity. - Be prepared to listen – not just talk. - Be prepared with an action plan for the resolution of the issue. ## [![how to deal with an employee who didn't get the promotion](https://no-cache.hubspot.com/cta/default/2652187/78920fae-9367-49a1-aa0d-8adaadc70912.png)](https://cta-redirect.hubspot.com/cta/redirect/2652187/78920fae-9367-49a1-aa0d-8adaadc70912) ## Is It Time to Have a Conversation? Knowing when it’s time to have a difficult conversation with an employee is important to ensure that issues are addressed in a timely and constructive manner. Answering these questions will help guide you: ### What is the issue? Has the issue happened before? How severe is the issue? What IS the issue? Is the employee not meeting expectations/going against company policy? Analyzing these questions first can help you make the decision on having the difficult conversation – and determine whether or not this is a coaching opportunity, or something more severe that warrants a performance management approach. Each conversation will likely be “difficult” but determining the issue and the severity can help determine how to approach the conversation. ### Is the issue pervasive?  Is it affecting your team/organization? Are objectives not being met? Determine the impact of the issue at hand. ### Is there a lack of improvement? Has feedback/opportunity for improvement been given in the past? Are you seeing improvement? If not, it may be time for a difficult conversation. ### Are you still unsure? If you’re unsure about whether or not you need to have a difficult conversation with an employee, please reach out to your HR consultant. [![New call-to-action](https://no-cache.hubspot.com/cta/default/2652187/4fa140d8-64bc-4c77-b2c9-2676d4876826.png)](https://cta-redirect.hubspot.com/cta/redirect/2652187/4fa140d8-64bc-4c77-b2c9-2676d4876826) ## In-Depth: Having Difficult Conversations with Employees Having difficult conversations with employees can be challenging, but there are steps you can take to make the process smoother. Here’s a deep dive to help set you up for success. ## 1. Don’t Jump to Conclusions Investigate the situation thoroughly prior to deciding whether or not it is appropriate to have a difficult conversation. ## 2. Be Prepared Before you have a difficult conversation with an employee, take time to prepare. Clarify the issue at hand, gather evidence or specific, factual examples, such as employee performance reviews and policies, and identify the key points you want to make.  Consider the outcome you want to achieve and how you can best communicate your message. Remember, clear and honest feedback is always the best.  ### Here’s what to consider as you prepare: - Think through what you want to say and what the employee might say or questions they may ask. - Consider how you will control your own emotions during the conversation, as well as mitigate negative emotions from the employee. Try to put yourself in the employee’s shoes to understand their emotions/thoughts/reactions to the difficult discussion. - Be prepared with possible solutions to the issue. What is the end goal? What are you trying to achieve as the employee’s manager? - Be prepared with an objective, factual statement surrounding the discussion. For example, what seems to be happening, how has it impacted the team/organization and what is the goal for improvement? RELATED: [Staying Out of Harm's Way - Handling Disgruntled Employees >>](https://blog.axcethr.com/staying-out-of-harms-way-handling-disgruntled-employees) ## 3. Be Timely  Don’t wait until the problem has really “reared its head” to address it with an employee. ## 4. Be Consistent  Hold all employees accountable to the same performance expectations. ## 5. Put Thought into the Meeting Title Address/schedule the conversation/meeting as something like a “quick conversation” or “quick touch base” versus “Performance Improvement Meeting” or “Disciplinary Action Meeting”. [![handling employee complaints against a manager](https://no-cache.hubspot.com/cta/default/2652187/119220aa-c036-4079-8718-762b5d7ea884.png)](https://cta-redirect.hubspot.com/cta/redirect/2652187/119220aa-c036-4079-8718-762b5d7ea884) ## 6. Time & Location Ensure you schedule ample time for the conversation and have a private, confidential meeting area for the conversation to take place. ## 7. Be Present & Listen Be present for the conversation – do not allow for outside distractions (phones, computers, etc). Be flexible and listen to the employee’s responses and concerns surrounding the difficult conversation. Address any concerns they have or follow up with them if you’re unable to address specific concerns during the conversation. ## 8. Be Positive Relax and act naturally. If you are nervous or stressed, the employee will pick up on your energy. Ultimately, you want to make the employee feel comfortable. Positive energy, care and level-headedness go a long way in achieving this. - ### Show you care  Again, be positive throughout the conversation. We don’t want to take the conversation from the standpoint of “you’re in trouble”, but rather “here’s the issue, but we’re going to fix it together” standpoint. - ### Remain level-headed If the conversation/discussion seems strained or is escalated by the employee’s attitude or emotions surrounding the conversation – it is okay to pause the conversation and continue it at a later time. It is pertinent to move through the conversation as soon as possible – so this should really be a last-ditch option – but it is always okay to press “pause” and come back to the discussion once the employee has calmed down. RELATED: [Employee Vacation Requests - How to Deny PTO Requests >>](https://blog.axcethr.com/time-off-how-to-deny-an-employee-vacation-request) ## 9. Provide Opportunities for Improvement Provide specific opportunities/expectations for improvement, where possible. Be positive about the things they can do to improve. Don’t simply tell the employee what they are doing wrong; provide them with the tools, guidance and support necessary for improvement. ## 10. Reassure the Employee Reassure the employee of their opportunity for improvement – take the conversation from a “positive” approach versus a negative one. Reiterate your support, as their manager, and that you are here to help guide them to a positive future outlook surrounding the issue. Sample: [See the Script for an Actual Difficult Conversation >>](https://info.axcethr.com/en/sample-difficult-conversation-with-employee) ## Follow Up Follow up with the employee the next day. Take a moment to have a face-to-face conversation with the employee, thank them for their time during your meeting and offer further support and guidance as they move forward. Additionally, offer the chance for the employee to ask any follow-up questions or gain clarity on anything following the difficult conversation. This is key in making sure the employee feels heard and supported following the conversation. After the initial follow-up, make it a point to check in regularly with the employee on the action items/expectations discussed in your initial meeting. Follow up on any expectations that are being met for positive reinforcement, and provide reminders about further expectations that may not be being met yet. A good setting for this would be touching base during regularly scheduled 1:1 meetings. [![sample script difficult conversation at work](https://no-cache.hubspot.com/cta/default/2652187/abb09e19-76dc-444d-93e1-a7139bdb1413.png)](https://cta-redirect.hubspot.com/cta/redirect/2652187/abb09e19-76dc-444d-93e1-a7139bdb1413) ## When the Difficult Discussion Doesn’t have the Desired Impact Following the difficult discussion, you should be having regular, documented follow-ups with the employee to discuss the issue/performance and steps being taken to rectify it. During these meetings, you should offer support, provide guidance and further clarify the steps needed to continue on the path of rectification. If the employee is not responsive/putting forth the effort to rectify the issue, further discussion may be needed to clarify the issue and the path forward. This may warrant a verbal or written warning(s) or progressive discipline. If the employee is blatantly disregarding the issue and not working toward a resolution, progressive discipline may be warranted. In severe circumstances where the employee may not be putting effort into rectifying the issue, you’ve had documented conversations and made effort to engage the employee in correcting their behavior/issue – termination may be your final answer. Prior to termination, we do encourage you to reach out to your HR Consultant at Axcet to discuss the nuances and risks that could ensue from the termination of an employee following a difficult conversation/conversations. ## Summary Difficult conversations should be initiated when an employee's performance, behavior, or actions are negatively impacting their work or the work of others. It's important to approach these conversations with empathy, clarity, and a focus on finding solutions through an effective [employee performance management](https://blog.axcethr.com/employee-performance-management) process.  By addressing issues proactively, you can help create a positive and productive work environment for all team members.  Do you still need guidance on having difficult conversations with employees? Axcet’s team of employee relations experts has been helping small and mid-sized business owners work through issues like this since 1988. Reach out to us today. [![Employee Relations](https://no-cache.hubspot.com/cta/default/2652187/0eeaef73-dcb0-4697-a04f-6d3b530fe898.png)](https://cta-redirect.hubspot.com/cta/redirect/2652187/0eeaef73-dcb0-4697-a04f-6d3b530fe898) [![Mariah Collins, SHRM-SCP](https://blog.axcethr.com/hs-fs/hubfs/Mariah_DSC6768-Edit.jpg?width=80&height=80&name=Mariah_DSC6768-Edit.jpg)](https://blog.axcethr.com/author/mariah-collins) Written by #### [Mariah Collins, SHRM-SCP](https://blog.axcethr.com/author/mariah-collins) Mariah Collins, SHRM-SCP, is a Human Resources Consultant at Axcet HR Solutions, specializing in people management, process improvement, and project management. With a strong background in payroll, benefits, and employee relations, she brings over four years of experience in providing HR solutions to small businesses. Mariah holds a Bachelor of Business Administration in Human Resources from Emporia State University and is known for her expertise in helping businesses streamline HR processes while ensuring compliance. Her contributions to the Axcet blog reflect her deep understanding of HR challenges and her commitment to supporting small business owners. Read more [View all posts →](https://blog.axcethr.com/author/mariah-collins) ### Get HR Updates ### Table of Contents ### Related Resources - [services Human Resources](https://www.axcethr.com/services/human-resources/) #### [New Trend May Be an Answer to the Competitive Job Market ![quiet hiring](https://blog.axcethr.com/hubfs/Quiet-Hiring-_1200-%C3%97-628-px_%20(1).webp)](https://blog.axcethr.com/quiet-hiring-could-shape-the-workplace-in-2023) #### [![how to respond to employee reference requests](https://blog.axcethr.com/hubfs/how-to-answer-employee-reference-request-questions-_1200-%C3%97-628-px_%20(1)-1.webp) Reference Requests: If You Can’t Say Something Good...](https://blog.axcethr.com/how-to-respond-to-an-employee-reference-request) ## Let us know what you think... ![AxcetHR Blog](https://blog.axcethr.com/hubfs/AxcetHR2021%20Blog/axcethr_logo_white%20(1).png) - [Why Axcet](https://www.axcethr.com/why-axcet/) - [What We Stand For](https://www.axcethr.com/about-us/what-we-stand-for/) - [Expertise](https://www.axcethr.com/expertise/) - [Employee Benefits](https://www.axcethr.com/services/employee-benefits/) - [Human Resources](https://www.axcethr.com/services/human-resources/) - [Payroll Services](https://www.axcethr.com/services/payroll-and-tax-administration-services/) - [Risk Management](https://www.axcethr.com/services/workers-comp-and-employee-safety-risk-management/) - [Meet the Team](https://www.axcethr.com/about-us/meet-the-team/) - [Subscribe to Latest Resources](https://www.axcethr.com/subscribe-to-the-latest-resources/) - [Resource Library](https://www.axcethr.com/expertise/resource-library/) - [\[ Client Portal \]](https://www.axcethr.com/client-services/) - - - - - Search for: Copyright © 2023 Axcet HR Solutions – Kansas City's PEO Since 1988 | [Privacy Policy](https://www.axcethr.com/privacy-policy/) | [Terms and Conditions](https://www.axcethr.com/terms-conditions/) | [**Join our Team – Careers »**](https://axcethrsolutions.prismhr-hire.com/) 10975 Grandview Drive Suite 200, Corporate Woods Building 27, Overland Park, KS 66210 | Call us: 913-383-2999 *The IRS does not endorse any particular For more information on [certified professional employer organizations](https://www.axcethr.com/why-axcet/certified-peo/), go to [www.irs.gov](https://www.irs.gov).* Remove cookies ![](https://dc.ads.linkedin.com/collect/?pid=43031&fmt=gif) ```json { "@context" : "https://schema.org", "@type" : "BlogPosting", "author" : { "@type" : "Person", "name" : "Mariah Collins, SHRM-SCP", "url" : "https://blog.axcethr.com/author/mariah-collins" }, "dateModified" : "2026-07-30T01:53:58.278Z", "datePublished" : "2023-03-15T17:37:14.000Z", "headline" : "How to Have Difficult Conversations with Employees", "image" : [ "https://blog.axcethr.com/hubfs/how-to-have-difficult-conversations-with-employees-_1200-%C3%97-628-px_%20(1).webp" ], "mainEntityOfPage" : { "@id" : "https://blog.axcethr.com/how-to-have-difficult-conversations-with-employees", "@type" : "WebPage" }, "publisher" : { "@type" : "Organization", "logo" : { "@type" : "ImageObject", "url" : "https://blog.axcethr.com/hubfs/_logo_axcethr_primary.png" }, "name" : "Axcet HR Solutions" } } ``` ```json { "@context" : "https://schema.org", "@id" : "https://www.axcethr.com/#organization", "@type" : "Organization", "address" : { "@type" : "PostalAddress", "addressCountry" : "US", "addressLocality" : "Kansas City", "addressRegion" : "MO" }, "aggregateRating" : { "@type" : "AggregateRating", "bestRating" : "5", "ratingValue" : "5", "reviewCount" : "100" }, "areaServed" : { "@type" : "Country", "name" : "United States" }, "award" : [ "IRS Certified Professional Employer Organization (CPEO)", "Award-Winning HR Solutions Provider", "SHRM Certified HR Professionals", "HRCI Certified HR Professionals" ], "contactPoint" : { "@type" : "ContactPoint", "areaServed" : "US", "availableLanguage" : "English", "contactType" : "Customer Service" }, "description" : "Award-winning Professional Employer Organization (PEO) providing comprehensive HR solutions, payroll services, employee benefits, and risk management to small and mid-sized businesses. 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These conversations can be about a range of issues such as poor performance, personal behavior or disciplinary action. While it's never easy to have these kinds of conversations, it's important to approach them in a professional and constructive manner. Here are some tips on how to have difficult conversations with employees. RELATED: Hygiene in the Workplace - How to Tell an Employee He Smells >> At a Glance: Preparing for a Difficult Conversation Call your Axcet HR Consultant/consult with your business’ HR expert. Be prepared with documentation and policies, when possible. Leave your emotions at the door. Be consistent. How have you handled this situation/similar situations in the past? Schedule plenty of time for the conversation. Come from a place of support and positivity. Be prepared to listen – not just talk. Be prepared with an action plan for the resolution of the issue. Is It Time to Have a Conversation? Knowing when it’s time to have a difficult conversation with an employee is important to ensure that issues are addressed in a timely and constructive manner. Answering these questions will help guide you: What is the issue? Has the issue happened before? How severe is the issue? What IS the issue? Is the employee not meeting expectations/going against company policy? Analyzing these questions first can help you make the decision on having the difficult conversation – and determine whether or not this is a coaching opportunity, or something more severe that warrants a performance management approach. Each conversation will likely be “difficult” but determining the issue and the severity can help determine how to approach the conversation. Is the issue pervasive? Is it affecting your team/organization? Are objectives not being met? Determine the impact of the issue at hand. Is there a lack of improvement? Has feedback/opportunity for improvement been given in the past? Are you seeing improvement? If not, it may be time for a difficult conversation. Are you still unsure? If you’re unsure about whether or not you need to have a difficult conversation with an employee, please reach out to your HR consultant. In-Depth: Having Difficult Conversations with Employees Having difficult conversations with employees can be challenging, but there are steps you can take to make the process smoother. Here’s a deep dive to help set you up for success. 1. Don’t Jump to Conclusions Investigate the situation thoroughly prior to deciding whether or not it is appropriate to have a difficult conversation. 2. Be Prepared Before you have a difficult conversation with an employee, take time to prepare. Clarify the issue at hand, gather evidence or specific, factual examples, such as employee performance reviews and policies, and identify the key points you want to make. Consider the outcome you want to achieve and how you can best communicate your message. Remember, clear and honest feedback is always the best. Here’s what to consider as you prepare: Think through what you want to say and what the employee might say or questions they may ask. Consider how you will control your own emotions during the conversation, as well as mitigate negative emotions from the employee. Try to put yourself in the employee’s shoes to understand their emotions/thoughts/reactions to the difficult discussion. Be prepared with possible solutions to the issue. What is the end goal? What are you trying to achieve as the employee’s manager? Be prepared with an objective, factual statement surrounding the discussion. For example, what seems to be happening, how has it impacted the team/organization and what is the goal for improvement? RELATED: Staying Out of Harm's Way - Handling Disgruntled Employees >> 3. Be Timely Don’t wait until the problem has really “reared its head” to address it with an employee. 4. Be Consistent Hold all employees accountable to the same performance expectations. 5. Put Thought into the Meeting Title Address/schedule the conversation/meeting as something like a “quick conversation” or “quick touch base” versus “Performance Improvement Meeting” or “Disciplinary Action Meeting”. 6. Time & Location Ensure you schedule ample time for the conversation and have a private, confidential meeting area for the conversation to take place. 7. Be Present & Listen Be present for the conversation – do not allow for outside distractions (phones, computers, etc). Be flexible and listen to the employee’s responses and concerns surrounding the difficult conversation. Address any concerns they have or follow up with them if you’re unable to address specific concerns during the conversation. 8. Be Positive Relax and act naturally. If you are nervous or stressed, the employee will pick up on your energy. Ultimately, you want to make the employee feel comfortable. Positive energy, care and level-headedness go a long way in achieving this. Show you care Again, be positive throughout the conversation. We don’t want to take the conversation from the standpoint of “you’re in trouble”, but rather “here’s the issue, but we’re going to fix it together” standpoint. Remain level-headed If the conversation/discussion seems strained or is escalated by the employee’s attitude or emotions surrounding the conversation – it is okay to pause the conversation and continue it at a later time. It is pertinent to move through the conversation as soon as possible – so this should really be a last-ditch option – but it is always okay to press “pause” and come back to the discussion once the employee has calmed down. RELATED: Employee Vacation Requests - How to Deny PTO Requests >> 9. Provide Opportunities for Improvement Provide specific opportunities/expectations for improvement, where possible. Be positive about the things they can do to improve. Don’t simply tell the employee what they are doing wrong; provide them with the tools, guidance and support necessary for improvement. 10. Reassure the Employee Reassure the employee of their opportunity for improvement – take the conversation from a “positive” approach versus a negative one. Reiterate your support, as their manager, and that you are here to help guide them to a positive future outlook surrounding the issue. Sample: See the Script for an Actual Difficult Conversation >> Follow Up Follow up with the employee the next day. Take a moment to have a face-to-face conversation with the employee, thank them for their time during your meeting and offer further support and guidance as they move forward. Additionally, offer the chance for the employee to ask any follow-up questions or gain clarity on anything following the difficult conversation. This is key in making sure the employee feels heard and supported following the conversation. After the initial follow-up, make it a point to check in regularly with the employee on the action items/expectations discussed in your initial meeting. Follow up on any expectations that are being met for positive reinforcement, and provide reminders about further expectations that may not be being met yet. A good setting for this would be touching base during regularly scheduled 1:1 meetings. When the Difficult Discussion Doesn’t have the Desired Impact Following the difficult discussion, you should be having regular, documented follow-ups with the employee to discuss the issue/performance and steps being taken to rectify it. During these meetings, you should offer support, provide guidance and further clarify the steps needed to continue on the path of rectification. If the employee is not responsive/putting forth the effort to rectify the issue, further discussion may be needed to clarify the issue and the path forward. This may warrant a verbal or written warning(s) or progressive discipline. If the employee is blatantly disregarding the issue and not working toward a resolution, progressive discipline may be warranted. In severe circumstances where the employee may not be putting effort into rectifying the issue, you’ve had documented conversations and made effort to engage the employee in correcting their behavior/issue – termination may be your final answer. Prior to termination, we do encourage you to reach out to your HR Consultant at Axcet to discuss the nuances and risks that could ensue from the termination of an employee following a difficult conversation/conversations. Summary Difficult conversations should be initiated when an employee's performance, behavior, or actions are negatively impacting their work or the work of others. It's important to approach these conversations with empathy, clarity, and a focus on finding solutions through an effective employee performance management process. By addressing issues proactively, you can help create a positive and productive work environment for all team members. Do you still need guidance on having difficult conversations with employees? Axcet’s team of employee relations experts has been helping small and mid-sized business owners work through issues like this since 1988. Reach out to us today.", "author" : { "@id" : "https://blog.axcethr.com/author/mariah-collins#author", "@type" : "Person", "name" : "Mariah Collins, SHRM-SCP", "url" : "https://blog.axcethr.com/author/mariah-collins" }, "dateCreated" : "2023-03-15", "dateModified" : "2026-07-30", "datePublished" : "2023-03-15", "description" : "As a manager or business owner, it's inevitable you will need to have difficult conversations with employees from time to time. These conversations can be about a range of issues such as poor performance, personal behavior or disciplinary action. 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